Am I a workaholic?

I love my work. Yes. I love working to some point. If I don’t work, I sleep.

But am I working too hard? I don’t get to see my children much on weekdays. I only kiss them in the morning and come home finding them asleep. I’m too tired to do anything else that I just fall sleep within ten minutes on my bed. I don’t even have time to blog as I’m mentally exhausted.

I feel responsible to my work. I also don’t know why.

I love to have more children if I have a lot of money but I will still work. I just need to keep my mind going. I need to keep myself busy or I will just sleep. I rather have my job, than doing housework. I rather work than changing diapers.

But of cos, I love my children. I want to spend time with them. I want to witness their every milestone. I want to read a story to them before they sleep.

However, I’m mentally and physically exhausted. I don’t have any energy to read a book to her. I know my girl loves me and wants me to spend time with her. I’m just want to switch off after work.

I don’t think I have the courage to be a SAHM. I always use money as an excuse though it’s true that we need a dual income. I guess I will be more exhausted if I’m home taking care of the children and making sure my house is clean.

I rather work and employ a maid to do the job. I’m a perfectionist. If I were to clean my house, I will make sure it is thoroughly clean. I remember cleaning my hostel room (when I stayed alone) every day when I was in University. It was a small room, so I can afford to mop it everyday.

I think I will be more stressed as a SAHM than an employee. As an employee, I just need to make sure I do my job well. As a mother, I am not good at this job.

I feel guilty for not spending time with my children, for not taking good care of them, for not educating them and so on. I think I’m not a good mother.

But what defines a good mother?

I think I am better at my job. I will just continue to be a working mother.

Asher is always happy when he see me back home!

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About Rei

A mother of 2 who loves travel, food, shopping, face mask and Sale!
This entry was posted in Motherhood & Babies, Random Thoughts and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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