Selina Jen is getting a divorce!

It’s all over the news on Saturday morning! Selina Jen announced the news on Facebook at 11pm on Friday (04/03/2016), shortly followed by her soon-to-be ex-husband, Richard Chang at 11.01pm on Facebook, which went viral.

Let’s see what each of them wrote.

Selina’s Facebook Post

 
我跟阿中決定要離婚了
婚姻是需要兩個人的努力

我們坦誠面對彼此

也坦誠面對自己
我們都做得不夠
我沒有扮演好一個賢妻的角色

婚後的我
依舊享受我的工作
專注於我的事業
也因此
我忽略了
經營婚姻與維持一個家
需要相對的時間與付出
我成為了一個妻子
但是卻沒有成為一個真正的賢妻

再加上現在的我
跟婚前的我也有了很大的轉變
以前的我
是一個只以愛情為主的人
但是這幾年
我的人生觀漸漸改變
我不再像以前一樣全心全意只為愛情而活
所以我與阿中的愛情
也一點一滴消失了

當夫妻的我們
真的不快樂
已經存在的問題依舊存在
硬是要改變自己改變對方
我們都沒辦法

相識九年的時間
我們之間不只是愛情
更多了親情與友情
我們知道
這個決定是必要的

因為我們已經失去了愛情
但是我們不想連親情、友情都失去

對於阿中
我只有滿滿的感謝
在我最痛苦最脆弱的時候
是他陪著我渡過並且給我全心全力的支持
雖然隨著我回到正常的軌道後
我們之間的問題才一一浮現
但是好在我們都是很理性的人
我們願意
正視問題
面對問題

最終沒能跟他牽手到生命盡頭
我很抱歉

離婚
是我們反覆思考認真討論的結果
我們不想讓彼此變成最熟悉的陌生人
我們想當彼此一輩子最重要的朋友

面對這樣的改變
我與阿中會努力適應
也會為我們的決定負責

對於深愛我們的父母
以及曾經給我與阿中祝福的你們
真的很抱歉
讓你們擔心及失望了
請相信我們
我們會努力
讓自己活得更好

Selina’s Facebook Post

 
It seems that she is blaming on herself.

Let’s see what her husband wrote.

Richard Chang’s Facebook Post

 
九年前,我們因了解對方而在一起;九年後,我們因珍惜彼此要離婚了。

我天性不浪漫也不體貼,九年前,某程度上繫於她遷就我、追著我跑,我曾習慣她對我比較好。有好長一段時間,我們處於非常時期,都變了,那時我們的目標與一般夫妻不同,只想變回正常人。後來,我東忙西忙忽略了經營生活,竟把婚姻當成理所當然。

她是懂生活的美食旅遊達人,我是閒了就慌的務實工作狂,她愛看綜藝與戲劇節目,我鎖定新聞及體育頻道,慢慢地我們成了平行線。找不出解藥時相處變成了壓力,加上愛情隨著時間漸漸淡了,一切搖搖欲墜。婚姻是需要調整的,我沒發現也沒應變;人是會變的,我們都變了。

失敗的婚姻,我應負最大的責任。

我們曾困住、無助、失落,曾想再找共同點卻失敗,曾溝通卻仍有盲點。我們想掙脫現狀,她提離婚時我呆掉,我提離婚時她沈默,講到這兩個字時我們都很怕,怕作錯決定,過程不好受。未來如何不知,起碼現在給彼此空間是好的,現在關係反而更好,只是,抱歉讓我們的家人親友擔憂了。

九年酸甜苦辣、回憶滿滿,我們的經歷外人無法體會,感情依然深厚。我們仍了解、關心對方,不願彼此從對方生命消失,打算以另一種形式開始,Selina是如家人般的摯友。

失敗的婚姻,我少了一個老婆,卻多了一個比親妹妹還親的妹妹。

我們想過是否低調辦手續就好,但現實環境恐怕不會容許我們默默登記,大概仍會驚動很多人吧。為免謠傳、驚爆、猜測,乾脆大方誠懇交待。我們的故事曾被關注,謝謝大家曾祝福與關心;我倆現在作了自私的決定,抱歉讓大家驚訝或失望了。請勿惋惜,做兄妹讓我們更開心。

我們現在開始Reset ! 

Richard Chang’s Facebook Post

 

So now he claimed that he should shoulder a bigger responsibilitiy for the divorce.

They are both using the same photo for the announcement.

According to The Straits Times: “The announcement came as a surprise because Mr Chang has been shown as Selina’s pillar of support in media reports, particularly after a near-death experience for Selina.

In October 2010, while filming the television drama I Have A Date With Spring, Selina was badly hurt in an accident involving explosives which left her with burns – some as severe as third-degree on her back, limbs and waist – around 50 per cent of her body.

Mr Chang even published a book documenting her long road to recovery.

In April last year, Jen’s S.H.E bandmate Ella Chen was quoted saying the couple was trying for a baby.

That same year, Mr Chang was photographed by Taiwanese paparazzi hanging out at a KTV lounge with a young woman. It sparked off rumours that the couple’s marriage was on the rocks.”

Many must have thought that it’s the husband’s fault. The 43 years old lawyer might have an affair. Well, he’s rich and looks young. Why not? 

There is forum discussion that Richard married Selina in 2011 due to pressure, a year after her accident. I felt otherwise. He must have really loved her at that time. 

But it’s only 5 years. What they mentioned was that the love died off. That’s why sometimes I thought it’s better to have children. As you watch them grow, there’s new things everyday. If not, love may really die off.

However, Marriage is about acceptance. 

A lot of times, the things you like about the person in the start of the relationship are also the things you dislike at the end of it. 

But, Marriage is to compromise. Think of why you marry him in the first place. Same for a relationship. Think of why you have chosen him in the first place.

Value and treasure what he can give you, instead of thinking what he doesn’t have. 

Love will ultimately evolve into friendship and kinship. But isn’t that better? To have a best friend who understands you and loves you more than a kin.

I don’t believe in forever love. Well, not entirely true. Ok. Let me put it in this way. I don’t believe that the passionate love for the man or woman that gave you butterflies in your tummy or made your heart raced very fast will be forever. This love will evolve into a different kind of love. A love that is protective, caring and sharing. 

You love your partner in a way that you want to protect him and care for him. You worry if he has his meal, if he has taken his medicine, if he has an umbrella when it is raining. You think of him at work (if he’s going home late for dinner). You call or text him (not to say you’ll miss him even if you really do without you knowing) to ask if he has bought breakfast for the family or if he’s working OT. You ask him out for a movie (to watch it together with the children). You plan for holidays with him (to a kids friendly place with the children). 

Actually, you love him without you knowing.

Men and women are the same. They want to be loved. As humans, we think love as a feeling. We want to feel that we are being loved. But love is not just a feeling. 

To me, I always think that being affectionate is being loved. I want to hear “I love you”. I want to be kissed good night. I want to be embraced to sleep. I want to be hugged when I’m home. That’s why we love dramas. The kind of romantic love does not exist in reality.

My children did these. Alyssa tells me “I love you” and she kisses me good night. Both my children hug me when I’m home. Asher loves to embrace me from my back. But I don’t have butterflies in my tummy. Haha.

What I’m trying to say that this kind of love has been replaced by a bigger or a different kind of love.

I know he loves me when…
He lets me sleep in on weekends
He buys me breakfast everyday
He plays with the children
He makes milk for the children
He showers the children
He feeds the children medicine when they’re sick
He gives me advices when I grumble
He asks me to sleep early
He accompanys me for my medical visits

Love may not be forever. Marriage, on the other hand, is something you can work on to last till death does you both apart. It’s hard work. It’s also mutual understanding. Value and treasure what you have. Appreciate your spouse.

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About Rei

A mother of 2 who loves travel, food, shopping, face mask and Sale!
This entry was posted in Random Thoughts and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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